Travel as a Father-Mother-Baby Unit
While traveling on a speaking tour of Australia I began to appreciate
the " marsupial mothering" style of kangaroos, whose
babies are nearly always in touch with the mother because they
live in a pouch on the mother's abdomen. I advise couples not
to succumb to the usual outside pressure to "get away from
your baby", but instead to become accustomed to "wearing"
the baby in an infant sling or baby carrier, as you get used
to being a unit you will feel right when you are together and
not right when you're apart. Functioning together by day makes
it easier to function together by night.
Beware of Detachment Parenting
This is a restrained style of parenting that warns parents against
taking cues from their child. The advocates of detachment parenting
preach: "Let the baby cry it out. He has to learn to sleep
through the night." "Don't be so quick to pick your
baby up. You're spoiling her. "Get your baby on a schedule.
He's manipulating you." "Don't let your baby in your
bed. You're creating a terrible habit. " Besides being full
of negatives, this style of parenting also features quick and
easy recipes for difficult problems. For example, when a baby
repeatedly awakens during the night, detachment parenting advises,
"Let him cry one hour the first night, forty-five minutes
the second night and by the third night, he'll sleep through
the night."
Parents, let me caution you. Difficult problems in child rearing
do not have easy answers. Children are too valuable and their
needs too important to be made victims of cheap, shallow advice.
In my experience, parents who practice detachment parenting are
at risk of losing their intuition and confidence and are less
likely to achieve those two important goals of parenting, knowing
their child and helping their child feel right.
What's in it for Parents? -The Payoff
What difference does the attachment style of parenting make?
Will it make you a better parent? I have been sharing the above
attachment tips with my patients over the last ten years, and
we practice them in our family. It does make a difference. Parents
who practice the attachment style of parenting know their child
well. They are observant of their infant's cues, respond to them
intuitively, and are confident their responses are appropriate.
They have realistic expectations of their child's behaviour at
various stages of development, and they know how to convey expected
behaviour to their child. Their children are a source of joy.
The feeling that the attachment style of parenting gives you
and your child can be summed up in one word, harmony.